Dealmaker-in-Chief may have been slow in getting his big beautiful trade deals, but he quickly made peace between India and Pakistan
By Arun Kumar
He didn’t ask them to eat cake. Nor was he playing the Grinch when sitting in his gilded Southern White House, the Wizard of Mar-a-Lago told beautiful baby girls to have three dolls instead of 30 and five pencils instead of 250.
He was only asking them not “to waste money on a trade deficit with China for things we don’t need, for junk that we don’t need. We don’t need to feed the beast.”
Yet “whoa, whoa, whoa” that “dishonest” interviewer from NBC was suggesting that after promising a golden age of prosperity, he was hinting at a looming recession with soaring prices and empty store shelves thanks to his trade war with China!
She also kept harping about prices of strollers going up in the wake of his tariffs with the failing New York Times suggesting that brides and grooms were bracing for rising costs from dresses to flowers to Champagne!
No one had the honesty to acknowledge that “oil is down. Gasoline is down. Groceries are down and of course eggs,” the POTUS complained. “Egg prices were so high, you couldn’t buy eggs. They didn’t have any eggs. And they said, ‘Easter is going to be a disaster.’ Well, we had Easter at the White House, and we had thousands of eggs. And they were down 87%,” he bragged gleefully.
READ: Trumpiana: One, two, three, cha-cha-cha (May 3, 2025)
Only a couple of days ago, the fake media was taunting him throwing back his remarks before his reciprocal tariffs kicked in: “I’m telling you, these countries are calling us up, kissing my a–. They are dying to make a deal. ‘Please, please, sir, make a deal. I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything, sir!’”
Now let them eat crow, he thought as the U.S. signed a “tremendous” trade deal with the UK hailing it as “THE GOLDEN AGE: A HISTORIC TRADE DEAL .”
“The tide of change is sweeping the country. Sunlight is pouring over the entire world, and America has the chance to seize this opportunity like never before,” he posted going poetic on his Truth Social spiced with a bit of hyperbole.
The White House was quick to follow with a post hailing the “Dealmaker-in-Chief ” heading towards Marine one with “Many Trade Deals in the hopper, all good (GREAT!) ones!”
Then sweetening the moment, after weeks of balking, Chinese came to talk turkey over trade in Geneva raising hopes of a deal to heal the global economy reeling under his tariff tirade. And hours after E.U. came up with a list of 95 billion euros worth of U.S. goods that they could target with higher tariffs, Trump declared they “intend to make a deal” with Europe too.
But that ‘Too Late’ “FOOL” Jerome Powell who “doesn’t have a clue,” wouldn’t lower rates despite repeated requests probably because “he’s not in love with me,” he complained charging the Fed with a history of moving too late on monetary policy.
Then as if to celebrate his first big beautiful trade deal, the POTUS picked up his big black pen to sign an executive order to launch “the first-ever self-deportation program.”
READ: Trumpiana: Tariff tango, Harvard hoopla, judges jiggle and Russian rumba (April 27, 2025)
“Illegal aliens who stay in America face punishments, including—sudden deportation, in a place and manner solely of our discretion. TO ALL ILLEGAL ALIENS: BOOK YOUR FREE FLIGHT RIGHT NOW!” he posted in the manner of a glib salesman throwing in a $1,000 bonus on arrival at the destination!
But “Our Court System is not letting me do the job I was Elected to do. Activist judges must let the Trump Administration deport murderers, and other criminals who have come into our Country illegally, WITHOUT DELAY!!!” he complained wondering, “Can it be so that Judges aren’t allowing the USA to Deport Criminals, including Murderers, out of our Country and back to where they came from?”
Even the friendly neighborhood SCOTUS, with three of his own appointees, was not being so friendly at times asking him to “facilitate” the return of “an absolute not good person” deported by mistake to El Salvador.
He had “great respect for the Supreme Court,” but he would go by the advice of Attorney General Pam Bondi on what “facilitate” really means as “I’m dealing with Iran. I’m dealing with Rwanda and the Congo” and lot of other things.
Ditto about cases against some of the people who had harshly criticised him in the past. Although he had been “investigated more than any person in the history of the United States of America — even more than that nasty highest level gangster Alphonse Capone,” he would leave it to Pam and Kash (Patel), his desi FBI director.
“Pam is great and Kash is great. I think they’re two great people. But they’re their own people. They want to do a fantastic job. And all I want to do and all I want to ask for is that they be allowed to do their job” he said claiming, “I’m not telling them to do anything. And I believe I have the right to do it!”
Meanwhile, even as his efforts to play peacemaker between Russia and Ukraine floundered despite his declaration to “be available on a moment’s notice if my services are needed,” he was able to secure a “FULL AND IMMEDIATE CEASEFIRE” between India and Pakistan “After a long night of talks mediated by the United States.”
A Nobel seems to be in order! But the humorless fake media would surely begrudge him even that as they did not appreciate his joke about playing the Pope. Or for that matter a Jedi warrior sporting oversized muscles as he wished “Happy May the 4th to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring Sith Lords, Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, & well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy!”